How Can I Help My Child Calm Down?

When your child is pushing back, melting down, scared, angry, or upset, you as the parent can do these 5 simple actions to help your child get calm.

SAFETY is key here. When your child feels safe, seen, and secure, their nervous system naturally moves from a state of defensiveness/fight or flight, to a state of calm. How can you help your child feel safe in the moment, even if it's a heated moment?

Here are the 5 things I talk about with parents an in this youtube video, and they are actually based on Neuroscience and Polyvagal Theory . If you have not hear about Polyvagal Theory, I encourage you to look it up, it's an amazing neuroscience-based framework for parents to be aware of when it comes to what is happening in your child’s brain when they are angry, anxious, scared, or worried or just downright struggling:

1. CALM VOICE-- use your vocal tone to soothe them. The brain actually perceives musical tone of voice that's soothing and softer as safety. (Imagine you're talking to an adorable puppy, or calming a scared kitty. Use that voice.)

2. EYE LEVEL- Get at or below eye level. This deactivates defensiveness and a power struggle.

3. SLOW MOVEMENTS-fast, jerky movements (like the way we move when we are rushed or stressed, hey, I get it, I'm a mom, too.) can actually flag as threatening to a small child. Slow your body down.

4. ALLOW THE CHILD TO BORROW YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM/CALM ENERGY- If you can get yourself to calm down, you can "lend" this calm to your child just by being near them.

5. VALIDATE HOW YOU THINK THEY ARE FEELING OR WHAT THEY MIGHT BE SENSING-try to validate, even if you are frustrated with their reasons for having these feelings. If your child feels like you understand, they will naturally relax and be more open to moving on.