Supporting The Sensory-Sensitive Self: Parent Edition

Let’s try something new! Let’s apply the wonderful advice we are taught to use on our kids, and apply it to ourselves. Let’s parent ourselves, if you will, using one of the wondering supports we often provide to our kids–daily, attuned attention to our sensory needs, and using some of the same strategies we use for kids to support their regulation. We definitely needs this, too! 

Here is some commentary on common advice given to parents of children who are hypersensitive to sensory information. For a quick recap on what this likely means for a child who fits this profile: many of their sensory systems react intensely to, and even perceive some sensory input as painful, information from their environments, from sounds to touch to visual inputs, depending on the uniqueness of the child. 

As parents, if we have a child who fits this profile, we are likely going to experience daily overwhelm, difficulty with changes to the environment, perhaps struggles at mealtimes (so much sensory and emotional information is shared around the table!). As parents this can be taxing, can require a lot of our attention with regards to finding the right clothing, negotiating about teeth brushing, about leaving the house, about attending noisy environments and functions, and about going to school. It’s exhausting. 

But what if you, the parent, are also hypersensitive to stimuli, but feel that you have to mask this or shut down your needs because you have to parent? That can leave us depleted, or ready to have our own sensory meltdown later when a partner gets home or once the kids go to bed. Then, we wonder what our problem is. At least, that’s definitely been part of my experience. 

So, let’s do an experiment and try applying some of the child-centered strategies for highly sensitive kids, to ourselves as parents! 

1. Take note of clothing that is comfortable for you. 

2. Remember to take deep breaths (bonus, you’re modeling this for your child)

3. Take note of your reaction moments. When you snap, get angry, or shut down, what happened right before?

4. Use transition warnings

5. Use a visual schedule

6. Use a sleep hygiene routine

7. Use a morning wake-up hygiene routine

8. Check-in regularly on foundational 4 senses-are needs met? (use a visual reminder for this!)

9. Learn your 8 sensory systems and how yours function. 

10. BONUS: Create your own regulation menu based on your 8 sensory systems

Okay all, I want to acknowledge that many of us are in such an overwhelmed and high-stakes environment that we don’t have the privilege to engage in all of these. However, I’m hoping that even remembering that these concepts can apply to us as parents will help. And, as an extra reminder, we are modeling for our kids when we engage in some of these ourselves such as creating a visual “regulation menu” with strategies on it, or allowing yourself to soothe some of your needs (wear comfortable clothes, notice when you need a snack, give yourself a 5 minute breathing break before it’s time for the leave-the-house battle, etc).

Curious about the 8 sensory systems and what you might be feeling in each one when you are needing support? Check out my 8 sensory systems visual shareable link for parents and professionals.

References/Extra Reading for Future Notes

ICDL.com -DIR/Floortime website

Ayres, Jean A. Sensory Integration and the Child (2005)

Greenspan, S. The Child with Special Needs (1998)

Delahooke, M. Social and Emotional Development in Early Intervention (2017)

Delahooke, M. Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children’s Behavioral Challenges.

The Out of Sync Child Has Fun

Mincemoyer, C. (2016) Executive function: What’s play got to do with it? The Pennsylvania State University.

Feldman, R. (2009). The Development of Regulatory Functions From Birth Development, 80(2), 544-561.

to 5 Years: Insights From Premature Infants. Child

Badenoch, B. (2008). Being a brain-wise therapist: A practical guide to interpersonal neurobiology. New York, NY: Norton & Company.

Perry, B. & Gaskill, R., (2014). The Neurobiological Power of Play: Using the Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics to Guide Play in the

Healing Process. Creative Arts and Play Therapy for Attachment Problems. The Guildford Press.

Lillas, C., & Turnbull, J. (2009). The Norton series on interpersonal neurobiology. Infant/child mental health, early intervention, and relationship-based therapies: A neurorelational framework for interdisciplinary practice. New York, NY, US: W W Norton & Co.