Why Our Kids Are Experiencing School to Summer Transition Dysregulation and What to Do About It.
If your child has seemed extra dysregulated lately, or if you’re noticing a recurrence of behaviors or comments that used to happen, it could be due to the upcoming transition from school year to summer. This transition can bring anxiety and relief and excitement for both parents AND kids. Some of us parents are feeling happy for the relief summer can bring when it comes to fewer demands and schedule conflicts, while others of us feel anxious about how our kids will be cared for while we work, the costs of summer camps, our kids’ response to lack of structure, or to the stress of making travel plans. Whether or not you fall on either end of this spectrum or in between, summer is a time of change and there are many societal expectations that go along with that. It’s enough to cause some disruptions in our ability to stay regulated.
Let’s take a look at a few of the reasons your child might actually be dealing with “end of school year grief” or “beginning of summer anxiety” even if they aren’t verbalizing it:
Grief: Change, even good change, includes loss. How does your child handle loss?
Fear: For some neurodivergent kids, or those with a trauma history, change automatically activates the fear response in the brain and body.
Confusion: It can be difficult for neurodivergent children (for some of them) to picture what the next season might look like. It can evoke a feeling of chaose or confusion
Uncertainty: Not knowing exactly what each day will be like can evoke uncertainty. Ask yourself how your child typically deals with this emotion.
A Memory of Last Time Things Changed
Thoughts of losing or missing friends
Hopefulness: Even a sense of hope can cause some struggles with regulation, especially for highly sensitive or neurodivergent kids. For some, all emotional shifts can feel very intense, even if positive.
Excitement: See #7! Some kids, when excited, can also go straight into a hyperalert processing state! Learn what that state looks like here
Fears about the next school year: new school, new classroom, new teacher, and new relationships. All of these factors can create a sense of uncertainty or social anxiety for some kids.
Reflections for Parents
Reflect on your experience of your child in the past. I truly believe that you are the expert on them, even if you feel lost a lot of the time. How have they responded to change in the past? What’s their history with regards to big moves, changes in teachers, or meeting new people?
How to help your child with the transition between school year and summer
Avoid dismissing their feelings: Responses like “but summer is going to be so fun/relaxing/exciting/etc” or “don’t worry, you’ll see your friends next year in class” can feel invalidating to start off with. Perhaps you can offer this as reassurance after hearing them out.
If your child has just seemed “off” lately but hasn’t said anything about why, feel free to check or suggest. Some of our kids just don’t easily put thoughts into words, and it can be a helpful “aha” moment to hear our curious suggestions.
Name it. Just summarize how the school year has gone, and how different summer might be, and reflect on what a big change that is. Ask them if they have anything to add.
If your child is younger, you can keep your words very simple like “Ms (teacher) is talking about saying goodbye for the summer. How do you feel about saying goodbye to her?”
CREATE A VISUAL: Visual chart, calendar, daily schedule, whatever you need—get visual. Most kids struggle to picture what the future will look like, but having a visual for summer schedule and trips will calm their nervous system. We just added a system of charts to the parent community for this exact purpose.
Finally, work on YOU. What anxiety are you having? Summer in western culture can be extremely stressful on modern parents, and your affect will rub off. Take time to outline what supports you need, and if any of them are possible to access.
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